Friday, April 20, 2012


The other day, I had a wonderful conversation with one of my friends about love.  About how much I hated that word.

That's right, I said I hated the very word that describes the very opposite of hate.  Now to be clear, I did not mean the idea of love.  Not even that it is overused, and underused at the same time. (Although, these are things to think about when you say it, or when you don't say it.)

Love, to me, during this conversation with a friend, was defined as: a feeling of adoration, toward another individual that could never be topped.  Right? When you say you love someone, the idea is that there is not a single person that you care for more, and there never will be.  You think wonderfully of them unconditionally.

I have dated some people.  There were points in most of them I would have said the 3 words.  "I Love You."  But I could not, would not, because my life had taught me that I will always find something better than what I have.

For instance, when I was an elementary school-er I discovered butterscotch pie. I loved it, and did not think that there was anything better.  A few years ago I found strawberry pie, even better.  When I was eight I loved my mom.  Then I found Kristin, my first crush.  Then I had my first kiss, with a different girl.  Each was a different definition of love.

 Each one even more meaningful.  So with experiences that teach me there is always something better.  Add in an idea that the word love was reserved for that someone that was greater that all others.  How do I know when I have reached that said peak, when I find that someone I "love"?  I could not and would not use that word to describe my feelings, because if you say that word, and you don't mean it, you are a really bad person.  Or so I thought.  Hopefully I was not alone in this definition.

So I am talking to my friend, I describe the above. (With more errors, and over Facebook chat, so it was shorter)  And my friend then describes their feeling on what I had told them.

Here is what I got out of it.  As long as you REALLY mean it when you say it, you can come back in X many years, and say something to the effect, "I do not love you like I used to."  And that's OK.   If that is how it works, it makes the word so much more practical. I could have said it to the first kiss, and not have been wrong, or a bad person.  I could have said it because I meant it. But that does not lock me in at that choice, and I could still love someone some other time.

Now I am not advocating to just overuse the word.  But perhaps I can at some point commit to using it, because the definition now lets me change what love feels like.  I don't have to KNOW shes the one, and as long as at that time I BELIEVE shes the one,then I may say those words.  "I Love You."

Caution still needs to be exercised, you don't want to say it unless you think you really mean it.  And you should never repeat it to someone if you are "just returning the favor."

I found this new definition to be liberating, because now when  I choose to use the word, I will know that I mean it and that I am not lying, but if something were to change or if I was wrong, I can be free of that commitment, without thinking that I am a bad person because I was wrong, or because I intentionally lead the person along.

I am sure that this does not account for every situation, I would guess that there are many holes in this logic,  and I understand that this may make absolutely no sense to you.  I also recognize that this MAY NOT be the "common " definition.  I just wanted to share and maybe get some feedback.  I would love it if you posted a comment, shared with me your thoughts, and maybe we could get a good conversation going.  Education is key, and without communication, there can be no education.